I wondered if we become more neurotypical as we get older? Less? Or more in some ways, less in others.
In some ways I feel I have become more NT and it's just taken me longer or a lifetime to learn the rules. You know, it's been a gradual process but I think from my forties onwards I sort of got how neurotypical rules work but it's just taken me longer to process. For example, the things you're supposed to say in social situations, the words to use, how to act. Even now, I have to think sometimes but some of it comes so much more easily. I think back to being a child and young person and how bemusing it all was, how other people were so much more at ease with each other, the spoken word and knowing what to say and how to be. I mean, it still does bemuse me at times but not nearly as much. I usually know what's an insensitive thing to say or what's an acceptable thing to say in a situation because of 'patterns'. We're supposed to see patterns, right? So when we've been in a situation many times before we may think 'ah yes, I recognise this, this is how it goes, and this is what I need to say'.
On the other hand, unmasking might make us more blunt and upset more people because we're tired of masking and people-pleasing. So again, nuances and gradations! So there are ways where I feel I’m definitely becoming more autistic as I get older eg wearing the same kind of clothes (although this may also be to do with other physical conditions), needing more routines, being less adventurous etc.
These things all interact too making it hard to know what is simply age, what is to with these other coexisting conditions and what autism. I also have FM and ME/CFS among other things so how do you disentangle age from all these other variables?
I did share my thoughts on social media in relation to this and many people related much more to the second part of the post ie they definitely felt unmasking was making them become more authenticly autistic with age.
However, in discussion with people I realise that maybe the first part is within limits and because I'm in far fewer social situations now. I only have to 'mask' or 'say the right things' in small doses now. If I had to spend hours among different people socially as at school or work the exhaustion would soon set in. Maybe unmasking is exactly that - knowing your limitations and how much time you're willing to spend with others and asserting your right for alone time. For me, I've been gradually doing this since mid-life way before my diagnosis.
How about you anyway? I'm particularly interested in hearing from other older and late diagnosed women.
