Authism - books by autistics versus books with autistic characters

I've been following discussions on this particularly in autism forums. I wouldn't say there's a dichotomy or that it's an either/or thing. But I do see many people in groups asking for good examples or role models particularly of female autistics in books and films. Before thinking about myself in these terms, I thought of Saga in The Bridge as a good example. But several years on I think maybe it was a little too laboured as if the actor was trying to hard to capture all what it is to be autistic. Having said that I did love her quirky character and her vulnerability. She certainly used her neurodiversity to solve crimes and thought outside the box.

I am a slow reader as mentioned before in previous blogs so I only read about a dozen books a year. But once I was diagnosed I did seek out books by autistic women about their own experiences or empirical research from female autistics coming from a psychology background as I do. One of the first books that was recommended via a forum was Sarah Hendrickx 'Women and Girls with Autism Spectrum Disorder'.

I found this a very comprehensive and insightful as not only was she autistic herself but she used to work at Axia where my sister and I received our diagnosis. After that we both sought out lots of books although I can't remember the titles of them all. In fact I probably only read the two, although I bought my sister lots,  particularly on ADHD. I think when newly diagnosed you can become voracious. 

But once I'd decided to chart my own writing journey I began to think of my own books and characters in these terms. I've previously done a blog about Cathy and Helen from my novel Fruit Woman. 

https://authisticwords.blogspot.com/2023/02/authism-helen-and-cathy-in-my-novel.html

I've  explored the synaesthesia of Elaine in The Colour Of Wednesday.

https://authisticwords.blogspot.com/2023/07/autism-and-synaesthesia.html

I've also looked at the trichotillomania and severe anxiety of Carrie in The Other Side Of Carrie Cornish.

https://authisticwords.blogspot.com/2023/05/authism-exploring-probably-autism-of.html

I had already included some children one with autism and one with ADHD in Savage To Savvy before knowing about myself.

 I have read novels too by other autistic authors eg Rosalie Warren whose books I can highly recommend.

But I don't require autistic characters necessarily, just exciting characters in great storylines. Rosalie has said that she, like me, has retrospectively realised that many of her characters actually have autistic traits. 

Other autistics want to see themselves represented more typically in novels and films to feel represented and validated, and I do understand this. I also did a video dialogue of this subject discussing with my sister (off camera!)

How about you? If you think of good examples where autistics, particularly women autistics have been well portrayed and who are very relatable then do mention in the comments section!

Many thanks.

Writing Goals for 2024

In previous years I've listed all sorts of goals but this time I'm going to stick mainly writing ones.

More of my memoirs - I began these nearly three years ago now and I've not even finished the first draft. I'm only up to 2005. I wish I could get to the end of first draft more quickly but maybe the autistic side of me likes to read every word. So it's taking me longer.

Poetry - I’ve enjoyed writing more poems last year and had a little bit of positive feedback. I would like to bring out a collection although it would be nice to be selected in one of the several competitions I’ve entered. Competition is fierce but I guess I’ll keep on trying a bit longer...

Flash fiction - I hope to do more of this too as it keeps the creative juices flowing and good to intersperse the lengthy memoirs with something brief and short. 

Arts council application - I'm hoping to get some practical support with the things I need help with eg I can’t get to book fares or anything much that isn’t online. It is limiting with long term health conditions and disabilities.

Medium - I hope to try this platform on the advice of good friend and prolific talented author Chantelle Atkins who’s having some success with it.

More of these 'Authism' blogs - I've still many more blogs to do for my autism and writing journey! 

iPod - I need to get a new one that I don't have to keep charging! 

Do you have any resolutions/new year goals?

Happy New Year all!

Authism and Psychology

In this blog I want to talk about autism and psychology, that is, autistics who are interested in psychology. I had no idea this was a thing until I was diagnosed with autism last year, very late in life. After an almost lifelong interest in psychology I had no idea just how many people (women in particular) are interested in psychology. A lot of speakers on the subject of autism have studied psychology to degree level or beyond or are trained psychotherapists. Many of the assessors at Axia (where my sister and I were diagnosed) are in fact autistic themselves as well as being at the forefront of research. 

I myself was interested in psychology since I was teenager (probably before if I'd known what it was). After O levels I was all set to to do hairdressing but then I switched and studied A levels at Southport Tech, and one of those was psychology. Then a few years later I went on to do my degree in psychology followed by several years as a Research Psychologist in the addictions field. I suppose it shouldn't really have come as a surprise when you think about it just why autistics are fascinated by psychology - we want to find out how people work and what motivates them! 

Here's an article I found online which addresses this:

"Autistic females, in particular, are often very imaginative, artistic, and highly capable in the arts. This can include interest and talent in writing, painting, drawing, sculpture, singing, acting, theatre, music, and so on.

Autistic brains tend to be very detail-oriented, leading to a tendency to be very good at science and analytical thinking. Whether or not an autistic person ends up in the sciences (and especially a career in science) largely depends on their upbringing and influences. Those who had the advantage of receiving good education and had the resources to attend post-secondary school often excel in academia.

One common area of interest for many autistic females is in psychology. Since they grew up feeling different from everyone else, they often look to psychology for answers — often reading self-help books and psychology texts long before their peers. For many, this leads to independent study and the development of a special interest in psychology.

Several choose careers that are related to psychology in some way, either as researchers, psychologists, therapists, school counsellors, or social workers.

While autistic people can be interested in a diverse range of career fields, they are over-represented in the arts, sciences, technology, and in psychology. Their traits and strengths may be especially well-suited for academia, and many find themselves to be lifelong learners — interested in pursuing formal and/or informal educational opportunities throughout life."

https://other-autism.com/2020/04/24/5-signs-you-may-be-an-undiagnosed-autistic-woman/comment-page-1/

I thought this was really revealing and interesting, especially as I've only found this out in my 60s after my autism diagnosis. But we're learning all the time. 

Psychology also relates to writing very much: there's rich material there about what makes people tick, their characters, motivations and personality types, how they are socially and so on. I realize now that I've gravitated toward and pursued a line that is compatible with the autism mind: psychology and writing, and marrying those two together!

Below is the video version on YouTube. Many thanks.

Authism and Unmasking (illustrated by a passage from one of my books)

Greetings all 

Today I wish to look at unmasking in autism and then explore this in relation to one of my books.

I didn't learn about masking in autism until I was thinking about exploring my own diagnosis. Now, post/diagnosis, I hear about it everywhere. Women and girls, particularly, are said to mask because there's more expectation on girls to 'fit in' socially. But I went to a webinar where the speaker also mentioned the fact that a lot of men mask too. 

Here are a couple of examples of masking in autism I found via a quick look on Google homepage:

Examples of masking can include, but are not limited to: "Mimicking the social behaviour of others, including gestures or facial expressions. Deliberately forcing or faking eye contact during conversations. Hiding or underplaying their own intense interests." 23 May 2022

'...(Autistics) may ... also adopt rehearsed catchphrases, such as “good grief”, “interesting” or “that's amazing' 27 Jun 2023

"If you notice that you tend to look to others before deciding what to do in various situations, you might be masking by mimicking their behavior. If you do not feel like these choices come naturally to you, and you instead try to copy what you see, you might be masking your social behavior." 22 Dec 2022

Now I remember acutely an incident when I was a child and finding it hard to make a choice on my own. This of course may have been inexperience and deference to an older sister who to me seemed assured and confident and knew how to made the right choices. But she called my bluff one time asking me which of two items I preferred (I've long forgotten what the items were). But she said she preferred A. And I said 'so do I'. Then she said she preferred B and I agreed. Then she changed her preference back to A again and guess what? So did I! Now it was fairly transparent to her, several years my senior, what I was doing. But I hadn't known. Of course it was a valuable lesson to me.

As for facial expressions and other catchphrases, I'm guessing all people - allistic and autistic - have caught themselves doing this. After all, everyone is an imitator to some extent and very few people are creators of new catch phrases. But I guess it's the extent to which we do it. And also the consciousness and confidence with which we utter them. They can soon become our own. We may master them so well, we can't remember whose catchphrases we adopted in the first place.

As for unmasking, as I was only diagnosed with autism in my sixties, I think I gradually began unmasking as a natural ageing thing. I began doing it both consciously and unconsciously probably from my thirties onwards. There are of course areas I no doubt still mask: because such characteristics and idiosyncrasies have become such an ingrained part of myself and I've claimed them. I do remember though consciously trying to be less of a people-pleaser and speaking my mind a bit more, from my thirties.  There was someone I'd been a good friend with since my teens, let's call her Penny. She had very distinctive quirks and used her hands a lot as she spoke (she may well have been undiagnosed autistic too). I unconsciously waved my hands around a login her presence. But years into our friendship she said I was the only friend she'd not fallen out with or argued with. I instinctively knew why. It's because I avoided anything contentious and—like people pleasers everywhere—I wished to be liked. But by my thirties I gradually voiced my own views to Penny and like other friends of hers who'd gone before, she didn't like it. It disturbed the equilibrium of our friendship.

In my first novel 'Did You Whisper Back?' I drew on my own experience as a young woman to describe Amanda's feelings. Amanda is schizophrenic (the parallels between autism and schizophrenia is for another time) but here are some passages from the book when Amands has just gone to work in a hotel and is battling with the social expectations from the other workers her age:

"Their arguing and swearing embarrasses Amanda, not through any offence it has caused her...but because she is herself incapable of partaking in such a row...She has never quarrelled with anyone here, or they with her. Arguments are for family and friends; it is only acquaintances that are always agreeable and polite with one another...She takes such care to fit in with their every move. She thinks how every personality has a thousand different sculptors working on it year in year out, fashioning, molding, and shaping, to make it what it is. She too can feel her own being carved and chiselled at every day by her friends, and the worst thing about it is that Marjie has left her odious stamp. In Marjie's presence, Amanda feels her voice drifting into that self-assured sing-song. Here and there she catches herself swaggering along the corridor, smiling that sweet-and-sour smile.

She feels she is little more than a conglomeration of them all, though they don't seem to notice. They have no need to argue with her because it would be like arguing with themselves: she is just a mirror for their reflections. She doesn't know how to delete them from herself and decides it is simplest to keep up the pretence."

Did You Whisper Back

There's just one other thing I want to say here about unmasking. I never ever used to 'lose my rag' in public. It seems strange that as a child I kept a lid on it but then it just burst out in middle age. I have had so many meltdowns since my forties I've lost count. They're usually very public too and when my comfort is threatened eg when I used to travel in trains or the train was late. Also being kept waiting to see the doctor or the dentist or anyone like that.

The blog on YouTube

So, that's all for now. But do share your own experiences of what unmasking means to you.

Authism and this spiky profile!

From the unhipdom of the last blog, for this blog I want to talk about something much more hip: spiky profiles! See below.

You may have heard about the spiky profile among autistics and a quick glance on the Google home page will tell you that a spiky profile is "a phenomenon whereby the disparity between strengths and weaknesses is more pronounced than for the average person - it's characteristic among neuromenorities those who have neurodevelopmental mental conditions including autism and ADHD" or "high aptitudes in a few areas and noticeable limitations in others."

But the only spiky profile I want to talk about here is the spiky-haired punk in the book which shot me to my 15 minutes of fame in 1988 and 1990! I've at last brought it back out in paperback after all this time. I did actually use apicture of me from back in the day as I used to have hair like that. I loved it!  This is my most successful book to date. The main character is Lauren and she probably does have some ADHD characteristics. She likes new experiences and is quite rebellious and embraces the punk scene in 1977.

.

The latest cover for Fall Of The Flamingo Circus

I knew this character inside out — I mentioned in my maladaptive daydreaming blog about my sister and I inventing characters — and although she's called Lauren in the book she was more or less based on a character I created in 1977 called Donna. I write about this in the introduction to the latest paperback which isn't in the original book.

The whole book is written in diary form beginning in the late 60s when Lauren is a child and ending early 80s when she's twenty-two. It charts the development of her self, her language, her hopes, fears and passions. It is a very hard-hitting book. But some characters take a hold of you completely and Donna was one of those. I felt she was so real to me it was like writing about a real person, hence the change of name at the time for the book. In the Times review they mention that I didn't just inhabit the character but that I was the character and I thought 'yes, well spotted!' I was very complimented by that.

The book was first picked up by the Malvern Publishing Company, a small press based in Malvern (funnily enough!) and I went up to Upton-upon-Severn to meet them. They brought it out in hardback in the UK in 1988 and then sold paperback rights to Allison & Busby who published it in paperback in 1990. This is the one that most people will have seen and it sold about 2,000 copies which wasn't bad for 1990. But then it was remaindered which is what they used to do in those days after it had been out for a while. There was also a US hardback edition published by Villard Press (part of Random House),1990. See various editions below

Malvern Publishing Conpany first hardback edition of

Fall Of The Flamingo Circus (1988)

Allison & Busby paperback edition, 1990

US hardback edition (Villard Press 1990)

I was totally thrilled to get the book reviewed in The Times (1988) and in the music magazine The Face (1990) and in various other circulations too, including in the States. I have the originals or photocopies in a folder.

 Original review in The Times (1988)

Copy of the review in The Face (1990)

Since the early 90s, it's been out of print although I did try and interest a few publishers eg in 2000 to mark 25 years of punk, but without success. I bought it back out as an ebook in 2011-ish. All my other early books I'd typed or retyped onto a word processor back in the late 1990s and from there it was easy to move them across to the computer when I eventually got one. But I'd left Flamingo Circus to last because it was in print and I had no digital version. I didn't want to type it all out again but I found this thing called OCR circa 2011 (optimal character recognition) and it was great that it recognized most of the characters on the page so I just had to check for any mistakes.

One thing I will mention which is probably autism-related is the overlwhelming anxiety I felt about the publication(s). Don't he me wrong, It's really exciting to get your book published especially the first one. It wasn't the first book I'd written, but it was the first one to get published. Yet I was terrified having to do interviews with the local press and going around bookshops with the publisher - I had to take a couple of tranquilizers to cope with it. I probably sabotaged any follow-up, although maybe my follow-up wouldn't have got anywhere anyway but I remember thinking I couldn't cope with this so instead of trying to capitalize on it I just carried on doing my own thing which is probably why I went into the wilderness for ages. Or maybe this was a one-hit-wonder and not that much of a hit either! I have had books published since then but not anything like this.

Anyway, it's back out in print and it's also available as an eBook and on Amazon with a new introduction. I designed the cover, it's had a few but I quite like this one at the moment. No doubt I will grow tired of it at some point.

The latest paperback version can be bought from Amazon from the following link:

https://amzn.eu/d/0wZlcjy

YouTube version available below:

Many thanks - your comments welcome as always!

Authism and Un/hipdom!

I have been thinking whether as autistic people we're not always aware of coolness or hipness and I had written this book in the noughties called Little guide to Unhip. It was published around 2011 first time, then I went Indie and self-published. But I had been thinking of doing a blog about this for some time and was reminded me to do it now when I heard Gilbert O'Sullivan on my ipod recently.  It was Gilbert O Sullivan who actually inspired me to do the book as I thought him very unhip. No Matter How I Try.came on my iPod the other day and I thought I might as well do my vlog now. Now, he's undoubtedly a very good songwriter so I'm not confusing unhip with naff although tsometimes the two can go together but I just don't think he's that hip. You are free to disagree with me but in 2010 I uploaded samples of my 'little guide's onto a site hosted by Harper Collins called Authonomy, a site for authors to showcase their work and receive critiques. I met another author on there called Tony Shelley who's uploaded some of his book which has since become Rock Paper Slippers - an excellent book I might add - but we'd both independently written about Gilbert's uncoolness and were along the same lines there! 

In the book I list my top 50 Unhip things (eg people, clothing, colours, traits, all sorts of things). Gilbert kicks off the guide. Here's an excerpt:

'Gilbert might well ask why oh why oh why he hasn't enjoyed a resurgance when so many of his contemporaries have gained credibility with time. But poor old Gilbert remains as unhip as ever, possibly even more than ever. Gilbert O'Sullivan was first and foremost a songwriter, which would normally grant an artist immunity from the vagaries of fashion. But when Gilbert O'Sullivan went out he never came back. He remains stuck in the seventies for all eternity..." and on. 

There are lots of different sections. It's not just about people although I've included some like Leo Sayer who I saw twice!! But I've included certain traits, like always being early! When we used to get trains, my sister and I would arrive so early as to be in time for the earlier train! I think this is too with anxiety and worry; thinking about all the things I needed to do and covering for every eventuality which might befall us between home and the train station (taxi being late, queue for tickets, needing the toilet etc). Or when invited to someone's house or party, I felt I needed to be on time and I was and am invariably early for everything, never fashionably late. Although I'm diagnosed with ADHD as well as autism, and although people with ADHD feel anxious and things can be chaotic, I still think that they can come across as perhaps more cool because they might be fashionably late or spontaneous or seeming to throw caution to the wind; not worrying about every last penny, wanting new experiences like festivals and clubbing etc. Such examples are in the Guide. Making lists I 'list' as an uncool thing but maybe that's an ADHD thing to help with executive dysfunction. I might have changed my mind on a few since. 

I had a lot of engagement in 2010 when I first uploaded the book, but 2010 is a long time ago now and I was thinking many of the things I mentioned are to do with specific sensory needs.  I think umbrellas aren't very cool but I use them because I don't like being wet; socks under sandals or carpets on the floor are all because I like to have warm feet. Wooden floors look nice but they are noisy and colder. Then there are colours like beige and navy. I don't wear these colours much although I do have a navy cardigan but maybe this is sensory as well eg too bright colours perhaps might cause sensory overload. 

Anyway I'd be very interested in your comments as to whether you feel uncool and you do unfunky things and whether this comes into conflict sometimes with ADHD. I think the autism side of me is uncool and the ADHD is more cool but that's just me. My radar may be completely wrong but it's about what is subjective anyway. You don't have to be neurodiverse either, to join in the fun! I didn't know I was when I penned it.

Of course, if you'd like to read more you'll just have to get Little Guide To Unhip which available in paperback and also as an ebook—just reduced to 0.99 for a short while—then you can 'come out' as Unhip too!

Cover was a free redesign by Tugboat Design.

Available at Amazon.uk: Little Guide To Unhip

Autism and synaesthesia

In this blog I want to discuss synaesthesia and autism. The title of one of my books ‘The Colour Of Wednesday’ made me think more deeply about this. I wrote the book before my autism diagnosis and the book isn’t about autism. It’s actually a follow up to my hard-hitting book ‘Down The Tubes’ where the MC’s sister Elaine has colours for the days of the week. In fact, at the end of that book their mother mentions ‘the colour of wednesday’ which prompted the title for the sequel.

The National autistic Society say a person with synaesthesia can see sound, smell colours, taste shapes,feel sounds on the skin and hear colours. They give an example on the site:

“Wednesdays are always blue, like the number nine or the sound of loud voices arguing…Tuesdays are a warm colour while Thursdays are fuzzy.” Tammet 2006

In the video blog I discuss with my sister her different colours for days of the week. Our mother has her own colours too, although she’s not diagnosed with autism. Her colours were different to my sister’s  but we never thought of it as having a name! I didn’t have colours for days of the week but I pictured little girl dresses in blue and white check (probably I had one like this at the time) and I would have a different sized one for different days of the week and they had tiny black arms and legs (but no head!). I only did this as a child so I don’t know if that counts but Mondays loomed large, Wednesday was quite big, and Saturday was the smallest one I remember. The others were in between. I think Tuesday or Thursday was quite small. 

Some people do this for months of the year. I don’t have specific colours but January and February are very light to me when I visualise them but ones near the end of the year, like October, November and December are dark and that makes sense to me. Some people also visualise numbers with colours.

Synaesthesia  is apparently more common in people with autism than in the general population. It doesn’t mean if you have synaesthesia that you’re necessarily autistic any more than it means that you’re autistic that you also experience synaesthesia but the two are associated. 

Here are some links below which I found informative:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-24995232

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/professional-practice/synaesthesia

Since I did the vlog I've head about 'ticker tape synaesthesia' in an autism forum This, I believe, is when people visualise subtitles when people are speaking.

Anyway, please do leave your comments below. I always love to hear the experiences of others.